Out-of-court conflict resolution
It sometimes appears that there is no way to break the deadlock in a parental dispute. If you as parents wish to receive help from third parties in relation to decisions affecting the life of your child, the family court may well be the first place you think of. We often encourage people to consider alternative solutions and to reach an amicable agreement. As well as family mediation, we put forward other methods for dealing with a conflict out of court.
What constitutes out-of-court approaches to conflict resolution
In principle, there are two ways in which you and the other parent can settle your family conflict: one path leads to court, whilst the other remains outside the courtrooms.
However, it is also conceivable that the two ways complement one another.
There is no one right way. It depends on your general situation and what direction is appropriate for you and your family.
We would therefore like to outline for you the main aspects of conflict resolution, both in court and out of court.
A key feature of access to any out-of-court service is the fact that its use is voluntary. This means that you decide whether or not and in what way you will take advantage of access to an advice centre, for example.
Advisory processes and out-of-court procedures, such as mediation, are structured in such a way as to be flexible and unbiased. You and the other parent are given plenty of space to work on solutions independently.
In out-of-court procedures, you can define the criteria for decision- making yourself.
This flexibility and open approach to resolving parental conflicts stops at the point where there are fears that the physical, mental or emotional welfare of the child is endangered.
Likewise, it must be emphasised that an amicable resolution, which is based on direct communication, is not generally appropriate if the protection against violence and safety concerns of one party, due to previous incidents for example, argue against it.
In contrast to court proceedings, those who offer support may come from a variety of professional backgrounds: Your contact persons in advice centres are often social workers or educational experts; a mediator may have started his or her career in the field of philosophy, psychology, social sciences or legal studies.
There is a large variety of providers of out-of-court services, so there are also various forms of funding. Many counselling services are provided for you free of charge. Other procedures, for example mediation processes, are normally subject to a fee. It is helpful to enquire about potential costs right at the start of the counselling process.
Methods of resolving family conflicts out of court
Family counselling and child guidance
In Germany, children and young people in need of advice, as well as their parents, have access to family counselling and child guidance. The advice is provided for you free of charge; the counsellors are bound by a duty of confidentiality. People in need of advice can contact the advice centres to discuss all their questions and concerns about family and education – even during a crisis of separation or failure to agree on parental custody arrangements.
Family counselling and child guidance is offered by statutory bodies as well as voluntary organizations.
One of the places where you can find details of local advice centres is our directory.
Where else you can find child guidance and family advice services
You can also visit the site of the Bundeskonferenz für Erziehungsberatung e.V. (bke) (federal conference for child guidance counselling). This professional association for child guidance and family counselling provides online advice as well as online search for advice centres. Please note that bke offers its services mainly in German.
Large cities in particular also provide a variety of specialist services that take into consideration the intercultural aspects as well as the migration and refugee background of those in need of advice. You can use the bke search box filter for this purpose.
If you and the other parent come from different countries, you may find the advisory services provided by the Verband binationaler Familien und Partnerschaften, iaf e.V. (association of binational families and partnerships) helpful. The association’s website is only available in German.
Family group conference
The family group conference (“Familienrat”), also known as the relatives council, is a process for assistance planning in social work.
Many local authorities in Germany provide professional support in this field. This method is used not only by municipal and regional social services, but also by voluntary bodies working in the field of child and youth welfare services.
Your local youth welfare office will be able to provide you with information and arrange contacts.
Professionals assume the role of neutral coordinators in the family group conference. A key feature of the family group conference is its participatory character. The process gives families an opportunity to Moreoevermobilise their social networks and to work out their own solutions to challenging living situations.
It could also be considered to involve existing family connections, for example by means of hybrid or digital meetings.
Family mediation
We would like to describe the method of mediation separately on the next page due to its significance in family conflicts.
Combining different ways of resolving conflict
Out-of-court services for the resolution of family conflict must not compete with or contradict court proceedings; both approaches can complement one another or accompany one another.
It is possible for you to seek assistance from a family advice and child guidance agency while family court proceedings are pending. Even if a court decision has already been made, professional advice/assistance will help many families to put the regulations into practice in their new everyday life.
Important: Make sure that the support tools you use do not hinder each other.